I am stopping my usual attempts to catch up on my blog to share my heart for a moment.
I just returned from an amazing Easter Camp with the people here (at which I was speaking and helping a ton...more on that soon).
But here is my problem. My heart is torn. I realize now that I am starting to see this place as home. I have made so many connections and friendships, impacted so many lives, seen so many amazing people do amazing things. I see a desperate need here for gifts that I have and know I can grow more into.
It frightens me.
I can't see this as home, right?. I have a home to come back to and a life which must move forward (graduate school plans, ordination?, etc.). But how do I tell my heart and mind that?
Maybe I am not supposed to. Maybe God is calling me to this area in ways I can't understand yet. Perhaps this feeling of mine is exactly what he wants.
The reality is that I don't know.
I walk by faith as always. I know God will lead me, but that doesn't make it easier in my heart and mind.
I love these people. I love this church and I am honored to work with, learn from, and minister to them.
This is just a quick post, but I felt compelled to say something.
In Christ,
Chris
I believe that you may be feeling the call and lure of full time ministry. I have mentioned this before. Remember that God is less interested in the where as He is in the closer walk of the one He is guiding. It may be somewhat likened to the first infatuation with a potential mate. One never wants to leave that place of contentment, even if it means the potential of greater joy. It is indeed a faith thing.
ReplyDeleteOne thing to remember...our God is great enough to use us in spite of our mistakes or error in decisions. Do not be afraid to follow in the light that you have now and remember to never doubt what the light has shown you while traversing the darkness.